I'm looking for a midwife in the Denver, Colorado area.

I mean a REAL midwife. 

Someone older with gray hairs. 

I need a calm open person. 

I want a groovy lady who will make my baby a pretty velvet placenta sack and an umbilical wrap. 

LITTER

I want to write chapbooks instead of using facebook.
My nouns are unintentional.

(11/8/11 -i don't want to fkng blog anymore)

I will hibernate
under a million blankets
heavy
eating plant based foods
with everything you've never heard of

saying nice things to people i don't know
skipping vowels

up, until down

hush hush, bunny. hush

Unbelievable!

I was never curious, not even when Gap did that huge Audrey pant campaign. I mean, a big corner of Seattle was covered in Hepburn's images for a whole season. I thought Hepburn fans were rolled into a dough shared of followers who follow over the top sh*t like Betty Page, Marley, and you know THE DOORS, because you can love the doors without have ever been moved by one of their songs. 
It just MAD seems like it would be like that!
WELL I SAW AUDREY ON FILM FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT AND I'M FASCINATED BY HER! SHES INCREDIBLE! I LOVE HER, LIKE WHOAA.

DEAR SANTA PERSON(S),

I imagine myself wearing SpiritHoods, like when i was 10 and wore a coon-skin cap foreverz.

know yr nemesis.

((PEANUT BUTTER))

Dick Whipped and Happy.

There exists times when you just can't keep mush out of your blog. Maybe this is where you un-follow. This totally, could be one of those times because you know what... I'm driving dwn a metaphorical fucking highway of domestication and publishing listographies like, stupid happy shit that i'm looking forward too.

I have a rad roomette. Who knew those existed!? Well, they do, and i have one! 

But i am mad antsy... 

(because i don't have a job) (and i haven't seen my lover in almost two months)

I am srsly ready to acquire a few basic adult-like things in my life you know! Example:
 

To live with my bf and make him nutritious bran zucchini muffins that i bless with my vibes.

To have a job, get dressed for job, interact with people while doing said job. To be told i am bad ass at my job.

Arizona's winter weather. Arizona: heat, cactus, thrift, running trails, new shit. Whatever. I'm even happy that i can be like, "oh hey, i went to AZ for the winter."

When my bed and my bf's bed, is the same bed and i can hear his sweet ZZzzZZzz and snores.

Simply to be busy, to have life of fullness, plans, to be tired.

Lift weights, with a gym membership, that is mine.
A "long day" followed by a gym sesh, fucking pounding it out, followed by a big fat go home and do dishes with a happy face because how could i help it, I'm pretty rad at this point.

Excited and ready as rainbows to share mutual friends, family occasions, and life, with bf.

Ready for nights/mornings when i look effortlessly bangin, and my bf is there to witness with a big boner for me.

Blasting (appropriately) my music that is beachy but in a Baja-Mexican-like way, in my car, in my house, in very warm weather.

Making fucking money!
Not smelling like a smoker (this is huge) because i will be a continued non-smoker with like, no smelly hair, without paranoid feelings about my hair smelling like a crack casino. 

Being in the same place as other people for an extend period of time, making chill palz because i live somewhere too and I'm able to commit to doing things, investing, being meaningful, with others.

To bone. And quiver and pant and make animal noises, in orgasms, in orgasmic aftermaths.

For my belongings to have a place. Really.
Learning Spanish/Spanglish.

Muh own fuckin place! 

Baby, 

I am lameness: I just wanna play house sometimes and make you some mad slow cooker vegan vanilla fig oatmeal topped with baklava filling.

Slow Cooker Vanilla Fig Oatmeal Topped with Baklava Filling!

fat free vegan recipes link, CLICK.

I'll stop about being all dick whipped. You understand, I have an ultimate-soul-mate-lover-stud-partner-made-for-you-person-guy and I'm gonna geek out and whore my societal gender based role, sometimes, maybe much more than I ever anticipated. And obviously, i'm re-blogging vegan recipes now.

I need to share something mad important!

OKAY.

so the best film i've ever watched is produced by Ricki Lake.

OKAY.

so the best film i've ever watched is a birthing documentary.

Do you think like, i would happily admit to either of these if it wasn't MAD important!

Yo, i'm not kidding... i got a high from this. High -It's fascinating!

and hey, hey, EDUCATE YR SELF because if you didn't know: ignorance, it ugleh.

HOUSE is so in right now.

  KASKADE'S BBC RADIO 1 ESSENTIAL MIX by Kaskade

Welcome <3




I stole this photo, but i know that the blog i stole from, stole this photo too. so feel free to look at my future stairs while i put them here, so i will do this to my own stairs later, someday when i have stairs.  ---------->

#DOPE

NOTE TO SELF: Nov 5th, The Crescent Ballroom, Phoenix, AZ (w/ Reptar)

-xox vibes

I was 'fashion' 'blogged'.

Someone thought i looked good or something at Bumbershoot!

Too bad i wasn't wearing the suede flats i bought in Vietnam and instead, wearing flip flops like i shop at the fckn old navy. i mean, no no no, what, what am i talking about! here i am, already talking like the americana white masses.

i'm a full-time sleepin-on-yr-couch girl for the month of Sept

but as soon as i move to wherever i'm moving too, i totally plan on blogging and none of that depressing shit.

shit.

i'm gonna be blogging up yr ass!

i just got back from India and checked my mail.

i'm way behind.

 

I still say "in a good way" i'll stop. we're supposed to feel the way we feel but there are times when it seems like a good idea to hold up a mirror in front of you when you're talking. when i'm here the world seems flesh-like. this might translate into something later if it doesn't now. my task must be to free myself from this prison by widening the circle of compassion. i become an assumption. Nietzsche called the drive to reexamine our assumptions the “intellectual conscience.” we interpret things. add our reasons, all are which are based on fear. you will limit what you think is possible. i will too but my defense mechanisms tell me differently. 

comes out of my mouth and fills back through my ears

I THINK I"M GOING TO WRITE IN ALL CAPS FUR A WHILE BUT I'M NOT YELLING.


TODAY A CUSTOMER ASKED ABT THE BOOK I WAS READING. OKAY, "THE ONE I'M READING NOW IS ABOUT THIS WOMAN AND HER HUSBAND DIED. HER SON WON'T EAT AND SHE DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING ANYMORE. SHE MEETS HER SON'S TEACHERS, THERE'S THIS SENTENCE WHERE SHE MEETS ONE OF THE TEACHERS AND SHE THINKS, SHE LOOKS BETTER THAN ME. SEEMED RLLY BEAUTIFUL."  (xTx)
and

MY CUSTOMER SAID "SOUNDS DEPRESSING"
I WAS LIKE "NO NO IT'S REAL-LIKE."
SHE SAYS "WELL, I LIKE FICTION."
SHE PULLED OUT HER BOOK AND IT WAS TWILIGHT-LIKE
okay.


"I JUST WANT TO MAKE A MASK OF YOUR FACE" is awkward even if you were being nice.

LIKE TWO DAYS AGO... I WAS READING ABT HUMANS AND OUR HUMAN DEFENSE MECHANISMS. MY THOUGHT WAS WHAT IF MANY PPL ARE NOT DEPRESSED AND THEIR EGO IS MAKING THIS HUGE SCHEME UP. THEY HAVE THIS STANDARD OF LIFE THAT THEY'RE NOT LIVING UP TOO SO THE EGO MAKES THE OUTLOOK ON SHIT ALL NEGATIVE TO PROTECT IT'S SELF. SEEMS HIGHLY POSSIBLE AND FASCINATING AND FUCKED UP.



I JUST BIT ONE OF MY FINGERNAILS TILL IT BLED.
unconsciously. 


I HAVE A PAPER CUT BETWEEN MY THUMB AND POINTER FINGER.
index finger whatever. 


this morning i ate an egg, that i cooked in the microwave.
unfortunately, situations as such are reflective of my recent life standards.


I'M THINKING A GREAT DEAL ABOUT TAXES AND EDUCATION AND TEACHERS AND DISTRIBUTION. 
but i won't post my opinion, emotionally, all over the Internet.
this excludes trolling.


I'M WATCHING E ENTERTAINMENT NEWS RIGHT NOW AND I DON'T KNOW WHY. I THINK I'LL TURN IT OFF.
my cat's name is "heidi pants." this fkn target commercial... this lady is talking to her cat and says "come out heidi pants."
WTF TARGET!
i thought i was unique you ass!


I FOUND A TWENTY DOLLAR BILL IN MY TIP CUP TODAY.
i rlly appreciate it but when i went home i took a shower.


LET PEOPLE POEMS IS PRETTY COOL.  


IVE BEEN RLLY CONSCIOUS OF THIS PMS I HAVE OR WHATEVER: I WAS TAKING OUT COOKIES AT WRK AND SOMEONE TELLS ME "I LIKE THE HORNS." I MADE A CONFUSED FACIAL EXPRESSION, REACTIONARILY THOUGHT HORNS ON MY HEAD AND EVEN PANICKED A LITTLE. HE THEN SAYS "THE HORNS IN THE SONG."
ha, ha


only a week left and that much closer to killing ppl. 

this twn is too small. too small or not secluded enough.
THAT'S ALL.

did i flush the toilet?

don't feel bad.

i bought a drum two saturdays ago. it's a large attractive drum and makes three different distinct beats/sounds, whatever. i've been playing it and some days i think i'm talented and others i feel like i'm really bad at my drum but it doesn't matter, i'm just telling you about my experiences, with my drum.
sometimes i lie. well, i lie a great deal maybe. i don't have like 'a thing' for lies though,
sometimes my life is too interesting to tell the truth.
i'm going to backpack India, Thailand, and Vietnam with someone i've never met in person before.
i lie a lot and say we've met.
i have been living in the woods for the last year recovering from my first mental breakdown. not in a scary way, i'm highly functional when i get out of bed and when i have good days. like, i have an interesting life in a complicated way.
i mean if your nature is over achievement and perfectionism, you should be careful picking careers in the vanity department. it's just an effect. not a defect really.
they're subtle, i manage it, but they're there.
sometimes i think i'm more delicate and unstable than ever. most times i'm pretty sure i just 'feel' this way and i'm cognitively distorting truth.
it's rational that we're always wiser than ever because we're in a constant state of gaining experiences.
if you can distort that though, maybe you are the most unstable you've ever been.
you see? i'm not sure.
it's all an experiment. life is my big fucking experiment or something but i can only do it once.
i google really strange things. it can be really important that everyone likes me, because i'm an only child, and because if you like me, i feel okay about the things that make me feel strange.
everyone likes me a lot and i get paranoid about it not all the time and sometimes, other times, i think i have these special gifts from the universe that i need to be as healthy and pure as possible to carry out some fucking mission or purpose that is related to bringing out the best in others. then i feel bad, like we're all capable of this though.
it just fucks with my head sometimes.
i was talking to my boyfriend yesterday and i said "my gifts" and i was referring to 'bringing out the best in others' and i felt weird. i wasn't sure if he thinks that's dumb or attractive. he repeated what i said in a frustrated way and he could of been mocking me. i guess it doesn't matter but i don't know and that bothers me. (he's a realist).
i like to know things that you know, that i do not yet know.
one time i was conversing with my very smart customer. i expressed that i wasn't sure if everyone feels special. he told me that not everyone feels special. some people hate themselves and think that they're shit. i feel special but i feel depressed 90% of the time.
i took a depressed test in a self help book one time, my results said i was the most depressed possible.
i took a bipolar test on line before, my results said like if you got a 25 you were maybe bipolar and i got a 45.
sometimes i'm too human and i need to compare things to feel okay about them.
i'm really unsure about this blog post like i look very non-interesting-weird and just completely insane.
really. fine. i just need to lie a lot because people think that we should all be similar and i feel like they want to disassociate with the socially unacceptable which is understandable.
people have these like social norms that crack me up, secretly of course.

GLASSER- APPLY (LEMONADE REMIX)
Peaking Lights - Tiger Eyes (Laid-Back)

i want to share a satellite radio subscription with you.