Friday, December 3, 2010

All the things I might have stolen in chronological order.

Cd's (not really)
during high school i had friend who was a year above me, terribly addicted to drugs, and was really racist (he had two WP 'white pride' tattoos.) He always damaged property and was 'dick' to people. I felt we were 'friends' because he was always around and better to be a friend to him than not. he started dating my other good friend and we were all staying at my boyfriends best friends house at eastern washington university for the wknd. we were partying and he broke into someones house and stole two wake boards and about 300cds. I didn't break into any ones house but he gave me all the cds he didn't want. I really didn't feel good about it. That same year someone broke into my car and re-stole those cd's.

Weed I never enjoyed
I was legally emancipated when I was seventeen, so my senior year I lived alone and was the only person under twenty-two doing this in my suburbia. I went on a party binge during winter break but I never regulated very well and my parties were considerably large and out of control. I was half blacked-out when I walked into my bathroom and a dude who went to my highschool was standing in my shower, on the phone, with all his weed on my counter. I ignored him and walked right up to the weed and palmed a twenty sack amount into my other palm and walked out. The dude was talking to me and I vaguley remember him yelling at me to come back but i didnt take my eyes off of my handful. I approached a few ppl in my living area and my friends say I said, "trade you for a beer," with my hand out. Our friend 'dirty d' saw my hand and said "deal!" and this was funny to everyone. i remember walking around with the weed, not knowing what to do with it, and talking to myself amused like i do when i'm in-and-out of a blackout. people at school talked about this story alot and everyone thought it was really funny which makes me feel good. I guess i see this as 'sad' in a way like, i remember having drug dealers partying at my house sometimes. one in paticular had a backpack that he called his 'million dollar bag', my friends and i thought he carried a gun. the dude from my shower recognized me at a party like six months later and he said i stole a twenty sack from him but it was okay because i was cool and had really good parties. that was nice. feel like something bad could of easily happened.

Conditioner
I was at a party with my best friend. i was pretty drunk. we went to the bathroom together and we were fucking around in there, taking pictures, doing makeup, and snooping through drawers when i saw a tube of bumble and bumble conditioner. I told my best friend, robbie, i was going to steal it. She didn't want me to take it but I did.

Wake board (not really)
My boyfriend and I were bored one night when I told him we should go to a strip club and kidnap kyle. I drove to kyle's house and told him to "fucking get in the car." He didn't know where we were going but i drove all the way to spokane while the two guys drank beer. I stopped at the state line strip club where we stayed until it closed even though i was 18, not old enough to drink. it closed at 2am but i wanted to buy wallpaper at home depot. to waste time and since we were on the state line, i drove to sandpoint idaho where i used to live and showed them the house i grew up in. then drove to the top of schweitzer mnt and we watched the sunrise. On the way down there was a suv with it's rack unlocked. on it was a wake board. Kyle got out and stole it. I drove back to spokane and we ate burger king breakfast until home depot opened. The boys were really drunk and threw mustard covered pickles at the windows of bk. I felt bad about the wake board. we took a nap in home depot before I drove back.

Secret santa cards from victoria's secret
I was a perfect employee for three years when I did this. For the Holiday season, cashiers gave out a secret 10-500 dollar gift card to every person who makes a money transaction. employees weren't supposed to have them and couldn't use them in the store anyways. I kept all the ones that customers didn't want and all the ones i forgot to bag and sometimes I just didnt give ppl one, and kept it. I collected about 30 of them. You cant tell how much they were worth until you use them although it's a guaranteed ten dollars off. I gave most of them to friends. You could use four at a time online to purchase things. Employees didn't get a discount online and online is where all the bathing suits were and I knew I could use the santa cards online. I bought two actual gift cards in-store for the remaining amount of my bathing suit total with my 30% discount. I used this online making two transactions, with eight $10 santa cards. I got about 10 bathing suit pieces for $100, got free shipping, and saved much more.The store had a meeting the next week and my manager told us that an employee was stealing from the company online with santa cards and if you know who, report it. Seems like my bosses knew it was me but i was the best employee with the highest sales and best customer service and they were scared of firing me. It was really uncomfortably cold that season and I had to wear two sweaters during my shifts. I was on low carbs for the past four months so i was really moody and got pretty weird for a while. I felt 'over it'. felt like i punched corporates metaphorical face. I think I planned this out well and it might be the most weirdest/sneaky thing i've ever done. I'm happy about all my bathing suits. vs is just another walmart and i feel justified.

Pajama pants
I had just quit working retail, where I worked for five years, so maybe i felt like i didn't have that responsibility or conscience anymore. I was shopping at forever21 by myself when i saw these pj leggings with out a security tag. I took the pants into a fitting room and put them into my nordstrom bag. I didn't even want them really. They were like five dollars. this was less than two years ago and I still have them. idk.

A picture of jesus
This was two weeks ago. I was shopping at a local thrift store looking at frames. in a tiny frame that i didn't want was this rad little portrait of a catholic jesus. I took it out of the frame and put it in my purse. I really like it. I put it in the corner of a mirror. I feel like this 'dosen't count'.

2 comments:

Chelsea Pants said...

I rrly liked this. <3 you more for it. thx for your honesty. and i've been texting. sorry. i will call soon.

have happy holidays. keep the feeling. forget about the stuff.

<3

marti pants said...

gmail called, they want you to chat.