intuition.

you went to class but school will never murder your intuition

i'm a child
i need to parent 
and not kill

    
IN 50 DAYS I'LL BE BACKPACKIN INDIA.

i became my thoughts. my actions and thoughts were controlled by feeling alone. everything was feelings. i was feeling eveything, things that were thoughts only. i felt every stimuli around me with sensitivity. i couldn't separate 'I' from my feelings and thoughts. i thought i felt optimistic but what about how i was? was i optimistic or just feeling optimistic? i'm not even sure if there's a difference but i was sleeping all the time. I had lost all reasoning. i lost the present moment completely. not being present in the only moment, is alone. not in this moment, that you are in, that everyone is living in, there is no oneness, not a sense of it.     

at a fashion week party, wearing fashion week clothes, putting fashion week powders up inside my fashion week nose.

so getting this wallpapper ~~>

raaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I feel asleep with a crest white strip on and my teeth kind of hurt.

 

native speaker is really good.

the whole album is out now so it's okay, you can say it might be yr new favorite band.

BRAIDS - 'Plath Heart' by

SpunkRecords

HI, BYE. has this "Interview with Ren Hang by Jeff Hahn."

reading Aliens and Anorexia. learning a great deal about art, Thek, Simone Weil, and S&M.

sometimes i'm just like

'stupid ass blog'

[positive] substantive periodical

I have felt like i will never have the space ive been seeking and so i no longer seek this space.

i'm in love and overwhelming myself with self doubt:

expect weak moments caused by knowing that you're worrying abt something that hasn't yet happened. worry abt how you worry abt actual non-existing things, even though 90% of the things humans wrry abt don't exist. feel concerned enough and finally less afraid enough to want to ask a couple friend's opinion abt needing a therapist or something but don't.

avoiding self sabotage:
try not to wonder how fucked up you are, why it can be difficult to believe that someone you love, is in love with you too. realize why your ex was bad for you. understand that you're fine, that you are not fucked up, that you are you, and things are things, that happen.

decide you don't need a therapist and that you are okay because it is only when you compare yourself to some abstract and one sided idea of 'normal/not normal' that you feel tides of anxiety. realize that this grid holds nothing for you. it does not change things like paranoia and anyways, you would rather your mind be undefined by society. be empowered now, you love your mind separate from any societal relation.

be empowered more, society means nothing to you.

How can we understand the difference between questioning responsibly from potential self sabotage?
god?

even more careful: not to put out vibrations of open invitation into the universe. things and people come into my realm and i have no idea how they got there or why they would think they belong here:
your best bro is conceptually suffocating you; 6 missed calls, 1 email, 1 gmail chat attempt, flowers on the table when you come home, and he followed you to safeway all before 4pm. he's acting weird and talking abt babies. you know this is not about you. seems like you're feeling as if this isn't happening because you don't like this dramatization -you don't want to tell anyone abt this. wonder how something silly like this is capable of concurring while you live the way you do: severely avoiding bull shit.

my friends and I went Xcountry skiing and then stayed the weekend at bob's cabin(s). bob is the band manager for REM. We partied with he and his friends, laughed, danced, and made a great deal of food. we found zany hats, everyone wore one. the next day we went on a snow hike. bob and his cabins are vry 'seattle'. bob likes interior design and architecture magazines. we took a great deal of pictures, of the space, our food, and each other. Bob showed us pictures of his parents in a magazine with JFK.
what an asshole ;)

i quit biting.

lost all 'drive' for school:
the weekends, holidays, and breaks 'throw you off' to much.

A friend told you, you are acting more aggressive, that you say things with more aggression. half of your mind is somewhere else so you are less cerebral when you say things, saying them differently.

people are hard to take seriously in class rooms.

recently, my most dynamic conversation was a four-way about the social structure of bees.

idk. I've been saying "a great deal" a great deal. 

started 'blessing my food'. 
appreciation of nourishment's, effections to the body.

I've been --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Foster The People - Pumped Up Kicks

disclaimer: I am trying to not post things for i'm ridiculously in love and things will come out, though i am holding, that are romantically gross, [more] alienating, and/or [more] weird as fuck, that showcase [more] terrible writing. i feel like my boyfriend and I are in a state that is cosmic or something - it is EPIC and KISMET. i'm linked and i'm dazed, overwhelmed, also cannot think, shut up, or shit. I will feel a sense of 'wtf' or maybe embarrassment from this later. let this be a special rainbow to you.

"pumped up kicks" is available to dl from soundcloud right now.

why don't you just shower now
and wear a crest white strip.

i have 'a thing' 4 david lynch

(re re posting this)

I KNOW - DAVID LYNCH [genero.tv] from Sam Pilling on Vimeo.

so want to bone right now.

the vinyl is like $50 for the 2 songs. was so close to clicking "pay" on my paypal.

today i saw a kid on a leash eating a GMO hotdog

i'm not a parent. idk, i'm not a parent but i have a mother and i was a child.

i have a great amount of feelings towards parenting and pedagogy.
want to teach my child(ren) to hand sign at an early age so I will always rlly engage while communicating. if i had a child right now, i would make sure we had an ipad, feel like we should supply our children with relevant technology like ipads. i watched this TED video a while back and re:found to paste here. this confirmed the fact that i want to read things like plato to my child(ren) and it isn't some creepy ideal in my head or something.
watch the ted talk video now.  
srsly watch the ted talk vidie now.

i mean, we should try to be better.

january one

"When you enter a place, scan around the room to see who's looking at you."
"God. Why?" I said.
"People could want to hurt you."

I took a drink a beer and dazed off into the dance floor where my eyes were safe from making a connection with someone else and inviting more advise. Seldom I would make sly glances at the tall boy leaning against the bar. I had went on a date with his roommate but I was interested in this tall one. I thought he looked 'mathematical'. 

I would catch him looking at me with sly eyes also.  

I took another drink of my beer. It was dark, thin in consistency, and tasted like having a full stomach of pancakes.

1

you're right, special
i know what you
mean
we are kind of the
same
except i will have
moments when
i'm overwhelmed with 
disappointment that
I'm not perfect
it isn't
your fault. still, we
will get what we
want
special people
have no reason
not to have
those
kinds of things happen

yes.

yes
yes
yes
yes

My step dad asked me to find out what "box day" is on the calander

well stepdad, i dunno, it could mean BOXING day.
but i looked it up & printed out this dictionary reference 4 you okay.
1. box day

The first warm day after a cold spell. All of the hot boxes will be out in their sluttiest attire, walking around, or sunbathing. Most will be donating free anal blowjobs in celebration of the glorious day.
"I was walking down the street and this box set pulled me to the side on Box Day and domed me off like there was no tomorrow. Hooray for good weather!"

I WOKE UP & DECIDED I'M GOING 2 BE LEGIT ON RAW FOODS 4 THE NEXT 4 MONTHS UNTIL I LEAVE 4 THAILAND.

watched my mother make meat things and modified corn things yesterday and i just didn't want 2 eat anything. so i just want to be like, legit.

fuck yo shittie food.

happy holidays and stuff. thanks for reading, stay kute okay.
((my roomates used to get rlly bloated this time of year.))